Your Stubborn Child - How to Keep Independence From Turning Ugly

Your Stubborn Child - How to Keep Independence From Turning Ugly | Every parent will at some time have to deal with a stubborn child, whether it is about doing homework, the clothes that they wear or their attitude in general.

While it is a good thing for a child to be fully self-reliant and determined, there are times when those positives can give way to downright stubbornness. When good traits turn ugly and start interfering with positive communication, it is time to put your foot down and regain control before it becomes a permanent and undesirable aspect of the child's personality.

Signs that Stubbornness Is Getting Out of Hand

While you certainly want to encourage your children to stand their ground and stand up for themselves, you do not want those lessons to backfire and turn them into little mules that you cannot move for anything. There are ground rules for stubbornness that should be non-negotiable to keep the family peace. There are also signs that you should recognize that your child is becoming far too stubborn for their own good. These signs should be monitored:

Once children move into the stubborn-as-a-mule territory, it is often hard to move them back out, so make sure that you encourage some independence and self-reliance but watch for the trouble signs.

When Stubbornness Is Already a Problem

Being able to pick their battles is a skill that is harder to learn for some children and there are times when it is perfectly all right to let the behavior go (at least for the moment); but there are others when the stubborn attitude must be dealt with promptly, no matter what. These times include:

You know your child and what he or she is capable of as far as grades and behavior goes. If their willful behavior is causing them to be less than they should be, then it is time to rein in your little mule and get them back on the right track.

Why Do Children Become Stubborn?

Some children are more prone to the stubborn streak than others. Look back at your own childhood and your current behavior. Would anyone ever call you a stubborn child? Have you ever stood your ground to the point of having another adult walk away from you in sheer disgust? While accepting that there is going to be a dash of your own stubbornness in your progeny, you do not have to accept it getting out of hand.

Birth order may have a lot to do with the amount of stubbornness you see in your child. For instance, an older child may become stubborn as a way of asserting authority over younger children. And a younger child may become obstinate when they try to assert themselves into the family pecking order. An only child may rebel against a smothering parent by becoming headstrong.

There Are Ways to Stop Battling the Stubborn Child

First and foremost, all of the adults who deal with this child must be on the same page about certain shows of stubbornness. If it is tolerated at home but not at school, the child will become confused and may act out even more because of that confusion. Everyone must agree what the parameters are and everyone must agree what to do when the child steps over the line. Once there is a unified front, the child will be less confused, and less likely to try to pit one adult against another. After circling the wagons, it is time to speak to your child about what will and will not be tolerated.

Set boundaries and guidelines for your stubborn child and then establish consequences for crossing them. Make sure that you are consistent with all punishments and that they are age appropriate. Also keep in mind where your child is at in terms of development. A two-year-old is not being purposely stubborn to vex you; it is simply a matter of learning about self and they may grow out of the stage fairly quickly. A stubborn child who is ten, however, should know better and should have better behavioral skills.

source : Parentainment.com