Homework Issues? How to Help Your Child Succeed | So many parents get so bogged down in the homework issue that they forget about the most important thing of all: the relationship. Relating to your child with love and understanding is a million times more important than any particular homework assignment.
How much homework did Einstein do? Who knows? Who cares? He did not do very well in school. So instead of homework, he was probably doodling and daydreaming. Does your child doodle and daydream? Maybe he or she is another Einstein.
Many people do not know that when Mozart was a kid, his dad took him on several long trips. His dad intuitively knew that music was important for his son. He took his little son to major music centers so that he could meet composers, perform, attend concerts and see operas. One trip, when Mozart was less than 13 years old, lasted a year and a half. If he had had to sit in a class all day and sit around doing homework every night, Mozart's music never would have happened.
Mozart's dad looked into his heart and devoted himself to truly helping his son, instead of pressuring him with homework every night.
As a parent you must look into your heart to know what to do, how to do it and when to do it. Look into your heart and love will teach you what to do. If you don't know what to do, then just wait until you do know.
Timing is important; and proper timing is a facet of understanding. Whatever you do: you must find the right measure of giving and withholding, of giving and receiving, of taking charge or deferring, of gentleness or firmness.
No one can teach you this: you must search out the way with attentiveness, kindness, concern (not worry), and prayer. If you really and truly want to do what is right, and honestly admit in your heart that you don't know what to do, and if--and this is the big if--you get your ego out of the way, you will be given wordless intuitive guidance. In fact, trusting in wordless intuition is the basis of faith.
Here is an example of understanding. Your son is in his room, but not doing his homework. Normally he does. Instead of barking orders from the living room, you thoughtfully take a look to see what is going on. You see that other kids are outside playing. You notice that today is the first sunny day in weeks. You remember that your son has been sitting in class all day. So you say: "Billy, why don't you get some fresh air and you can do the homework later?" Argument avoided, and everyone is happy (and he does his homework later). Your parenting grade: A
Another scenario. Your daughter is not doing her homework. You take a look and see that she is text messaging silly messages to friends instead. "Give me the cell phone. Do your homework." Firmness and directiveness here; not giving in or excuse making. Do you see how important intuition is? Do you see how important love is? You need them to know, in that delicate moment, what to do.
Here's an example from my own life.
When I was 8 years old, I was invited to a birthday party after school. Never having been invited to a birthday party before, this was a really big day for me. My mother was to wait for me in the car after school to take me to the party. I guess I was excited that day and somehow did not finish a math assignment. The teacher made me stay after school to finish it (the first and only time in life I ever had to stay after school).
I was in a state of panic because my mother was outside waiting in the car. So I just wrote down any numbers that came to mind as answers, quickly handed it to the teacher, and tried to take leave. Teacher called me back, saw what I had done, and started giving me a hard time. I burst into tears and began to sob. I told her about the party and my mother waiting.
I am sure teacher's heart softened, and she realized in that touching moment that today was not the day to give an otherwise good kid a hard time. She told me to enjoy the party and let me go. Incidentally, I had a good time at the party (and I got A's in math in high school).
You see, I cannot tell you in advance what to do in any particular situation. But when I am there, I check with my intuition (understanding). Sometimes nothing needs to be done. Sometimes just observing and watching is all that is needed. Sometimes just being there is all that is needed. Other times an action or word is called for. Sometimes "no" with an explanation.
And yes, sometimes bold action is called for. But more often than not, the calm presence of a good authority, a patient thoughtful parent, nips most problems in the bud before they have a chance to develop.
Nevertheless, there are times when taking the computer out of the room, getting rid of rock music or DVD's, no more television watching, a big reduction in socializing, or changing schools or starting homeschooling are needed.
I recently became aware that when a child gets a little behind (and this can happen for a variety of reasons, none of which are the child's fault), the child can simply become overwhelmed. For example, one child missed the classes where it was taught that multiplying two negative numbers results in a positive number. For weeks he fell further and further behind, getting all the answers wrong. He basically flunked out.
Only when his parents realized something was wrong, took him out of public school and put him in a private school, did things get better. When he went to the private school, he was so far behind most of the other students, he was put in the slow class. Guess what happened! He was able to follow what was going on, began to excel,, and got A's in math. This student went on to receive a 4 year academic scholarship to a major university.
